what to give up

we only have 24 hours a day.

8 hours or more has been given to work.

another 8 or lesser has been given to sleep.

we have another 8 hours (ideally) to ourselves.

and this 8 hours we share with our friends, our family, our pets, hobbies or whatever it is.

the 'really' me time, i guess is pretty much non-existent.

i would give up a few things just for the extra 'me' time.

i would give up on my hobbies. i would stop blogging. i would stop writing bout makeup or doing FOTDs or anything beauty related. i would stop shopping. cut down on meeting friends. cut down on seeing my family (not because i don't love them, it's the travelling that tires me very much) and thank god for no pets.

and still, i think i don't have enough time to savour eye candy yong hwa darling and hyun joong dear. >_<

jeez. what else to cut down?

lol.

i know, small fan girl on the loose.

yucks yucks yucks

when i look at her, she amazes me.

when i look at her and look back at myself, i want to die.

simply because.

i am so.

wtf.

no wonder i never really gotten out of that deep big shit.

yucks yucks yucks yucks yucks.

i am and will be, alone.

i happily did my xmas list.

but now i feel i don't need to anymore.

i feel a little left out.

really i do.

but then you don't care?

neither you really care for me.

that proves it.

i am all the while.

alone.

while i thought you were a friend.

where's my med?

i need a huge dosage of peace, sleep and quality time all to myself.

give them to me, pretty please?

random thoughts on a blue monday

there are days when you find yourself thinking whimsical nonsense, even when you are suppose to stay focus and work.

it happens very frequently to me.

at night before i sleep i think of work and some other weird little stuff.

in my dreams, or maybe i wasn't dreaming but in fact my brain is still thinking about those odd pieces and stuff.

it's so very exhausting you know.

i don't know what's call inner peace anymore.

i feel like i am being haunted by work. by life. by bills. by stress. by my blog.

not this blog. the other blog.

everything seems like it's a burden right now.

i had longed for the days when i am no longer being confined to the tiny town i am from, free to go as i will, free to do what i want.

but now, i just feel like being home 24/7. i don't need to meet people. i don't need to be tough or put on a mask. i am free just by being at home.

how i laugh at my stupidity. how i laugh at my silly longing that i had when i was 17.

i am free to do what i want. free to go where i want. but yet, i feel like i have been confined even more than ever.

confined by life. it's never ending work. it's never ending stress. it's never ending need for money.

maybe i am just whiny and all, but sometimes i really just don't want to be in this circle anymore. i have no peace at all.

i feel so tired, so angry, but so emotionless sometimes, till i don't even know what's crying like. or maybe i shed tears too easily now?

i guess, i never really wanted to grow up.

i want to be peter pan and live in NeverLand.

gloominess looms

the sun isn't shining.

the birds aren't chirping.

the wind isn't blowing.

the flowers aren't blooming.

the sky is gloomy and grey.

the ocean waves are high.

it's a big disaster.

all right inside my head.

and heart.

me & u

sometimes i do think.
about us.
we see each other almost everyday.
even the weekends.
the one person i see the most other than my colleagues and bosses is you.
is this even healthy?
i wonder.
do you get sick of seeing me?
i wonder.
do i get sick of seeing you?
i never thought of it, but i think i won't.
even if i don't see you for a bit, i don't miss you badly.
maybe if it's weeks and weeks.
and i get no calls/ sms/ msn/ email/ ym.
then i'll worry.
then i might miss you very very badly.
but you are not suppose to disappear unless i asked you to.
you got no right.
but i do.
i know.
i am a very very bad lady.